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You'd be surprised...

I’m just going to be…


I have two daughters…One would come unglued if she saw this pic; the other wouldn’t. It’s not a testament to who they are or their journey or my relationship with them. It’s just them being them and me being me.


At 53, you’d think I’d outgrown societal expectation… roles, boxes, and limiting beliefs of a culture… any culture… shaming or telling me who to be… or become… how to show up or not show up.


You’d be surprised the life lessons, the “shame on yous, I thought you were better than that… I thought you were smarter than that…” I get in my DMs… or the mass exodus of a gender… sex identifying roles that comes in waves based on who I am in my journey…


You’d might be surprised at the unsolicited education I get… the corrections to what I’m saying or how I’m saying…


Too healed… too masculine… not struggling enough… not showing enough of my body… showing too much of my body…

I don’t often talk about female misogyny… or patriarchal weirdness or the blurring lines of someone else’s identity layered across mine.



Maybe I will... maybe it will help others..


On Sunday, I was sitting with two of my girlfriends and I shared my experience with these topics and they were blown away and surprised.


A journey into yourself is not for the weak of heart...

It's not for the weakened spirit, a fragile foundation of self-identification. Your identity is based on your behaviors.. based on habits based on beliefs... steeped deep in your current identity. What you do NOW is a mirror image of the type of person you believe that you are (either consciously or subconsciously).


When it comes to revolution, we need big doses of passion and audacity. - Che Guevara

I’m not a white woman.. and not quite a woman of color… not fully Filipino… not fully my mother… not fully my father… I feel like a suppression of all those that have pasted before me... their dark secrets, their unlived dreams, the traumas they succumbed to or survived through.


I feel like I am that place in between; the center juxtaposition of a worm hole... or time collapsing..



I answer to the call of MY ancestors, not to someone’s else’s educated belief or knowledge of who my ancestors are… It's our personal journey between them and me...


In 2020, I shared my bucket list with someone... They quickly began to tear it down and break it apart.


That's not realistic...

Wouldn't you rather achieve it on your own and then have some pay for you to do it? (They didn't take in account the work it would even take to do this) That will water down your brand & people won't take you seriously if you do that...


Our mind is a powerful, selective machine... encoded to keep us alive... it triggers old hidden beliefs, like pulling them from a filing cabinet hidden in the basement of mind... And says.. yep.. this matches this old belief... So, it must be true... Let's reinstate this belief!



And the wave of possibilities collapses, a superposition is plucked from all possibilities limiting our potential. And this is why they say you ARE the SUM of those around you..,



My bucket list in 2020

  1. Swim with turtles in Zanzibar

  2. See the Northern Lights (preferably from Norway)

  3. Go back to Nepal & hike to Basecamp... and be sponsored - paid to do it.

  4. Publish the book I'm working on.... maybe a best seller.

  5. Be on the cover of Inked Magazine as the first 50 + year old.

  6. Make X amount of money & not struggle.


Where am I at on this list...

  1. I leave April 18th 2024

  2. Still on the list

  3. Still on the list

  4. Forgot about this till now.. I was so impacted at the comment I got that doing this wasn't really achieving anything if I was sponsored to do it.

  5. It's been 3/4 done... for a year now but I haven't touched it.

  6. I'm currently 3rd and the next cut is 2/15/24. (Cast your vote)

  7. Working on the number, but my mindset has completely shifted around abundance and I'm finally seeing the true value of all my work.


I don't think we celebrate the ideas we have. We leave so many dreams on our table life. We listen to what can and can't be done by others NOT doing... It's a crazy place to mentally be...


I'm leaving you with a quote...

Enlightenment is the unlearning of the thought system that dominates the planet. - Marianne Williamson

XOXO,

Polly Behringer


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